Validate Your Critics

Considering how much your critics will attempt to de-validate everything about you, why in the shit would we want to try and validate them?

Because they're going to believe that they're always in the right. Ever heard the saying 'stupid people don't know they're stupid?'

How about: 'The best revenge you could ever exact, is living a life of true happiness?'

A lot of people in this life are going to tell you that you can't do something, that you shouldn't waste your time, to be more realistic, and yet when you take action in spite of them they're the same people who will turn around and say "I always knew you could do it"

So how do we navigate doing or achieving something for ourselves without letting our critics get the better of us? We 'validate' them.

Regardless of if you listened to their advice or if you did it in spite of them, when you achieve the result, they're always going to take credit for it and it's going to feel de-validating as fuck.

If I don't achieve the result they're going to be able to say "I told you I was right, you should have done X"

If I DO achieve the result they're going to say "I always knew you could do it"

No matter what I do, this critic will feel like they've won. But one of their victories is just a battle and one of them is a war. So the question becomes do I want to lose the battle or lose the war?

Let me explain.

"I told you so, you should have listened to me" is the war victory for the critic. Your life has not improved, you haven't achieved the result, and this critic will be able to hold on and forever mock you with it.

"I always knew you could do it" is the battle victory. Your life has improved in every which way and they're going to try and take credit for it which is de-validating for sure, however...

Let's switch the perspective of this entirely.

"As soon as you're happy within yourself, nothing else seems to matter, nothing can get in your way, you become un-fuck-with-able" - Me, 5 weeks ago to a client who is now killing it at life.

You achieving this result will bring you happiness and you get to experience that joy and happiness for, hopefully, the rest of your life, if not, a very long time.

The critic saying: "I always knew you could do it" is like they're trying to get a context high or living vicariously through you.

I never say this out loud to the person but it's always something that I've had in the back of my head.

"Wow, your life must be so sad that you feel the need to ride off of my accomplishments."

Why would I take advice from someone who hasn't achieved something I want to achieve?

Why would I take advice from someone who never showed support?

Why would I take anything this person says to heart if they need to validate their lives through other people?

"In the grand scheme of things, I feel so bad for them that I don't mind letting them think they've won."

They're abso-fucking-lutely not getting any of the prize money, the glory, the recognition, but hey... They get to say "I remember when..." while I get to say "I did it"